To, The Givers... With Love

 The givers of help, love, hope, and reassurance willingly spread their arms to embrace everyone who needs to be held, guided, and listened to. We come across a lot of people on a daily basis whose lives we touch in one way or the other. Sometimes, our presence lightens up the atmosphere, our words brighten the souls, and the other times our humble and patient listening makes people feel better and calmer. I've experienced all of this ever since I managed to look within. I've met beautiful souls who were as bright as the sun, but were scared of the heavy clouds. As they shone through the clouds, I felt the world getting brighter and even more beautiful.
It's all energy, you see? Some people call it your vibe or vibration or aura or the X-factor that makes them feel that something is good about you. As you dig deeper in the vast ocean of your soul, you start becoming your higher self. Your energies are positive and strong. Your aura is vibrant and influencing! In scientific terms, the whole body is made up of gazillions of sub-atomic particles which keep vibrating depending on the energy they are provided with. That's what your aura and your vibe is all about. People who are happy and positive have higher frequencies and vibrations, while those who are negative, have much lower energies and frequencies.

Our bodies generate energy fields and electromagnetic waves that are projected in our immediate environment . So, when we intersect with someone else's electromagnetic field, we are likely to be subconsciously communicating with that person. Spiritual science also calls it an etheric cord; an energy cord which connects you to your surrounding people, animals, and sometimes objects. My sister told me about etheric cords when I found myself constantly losing my positive energy despite all attempts to recover. Have you ever wondered how your best friend knows everything without you having said a single word? Have you noticed how your pet pampers you when you're sad, when you have not even shown a sign? Do you remember when the room suddenly felt gloomy when a person you didn't even know, entered. Did you feel that negativity somewhere? Remember how motivated you felt when someone said positive and encouraging words? That's exactly when your energies intersected with someone else's.

Why I took this topic is because of my own experience with the energies and further observation to validate what I felt. The etheric cord gives them the ability to influence our energies. That's why we feel very positive in someone's presence, and very negative in someone else's. This is the reason why we sometimes feel drained out while sitting with people who are constantly complaining or irritated. Spiritual experts call such people energy vampires.

Yes, it's true that blood sucking vampires like those in The Twilight do not exist, but energy vampires do. Every person has once in a lifetime drained out someone else's energy because of the roller coaster called life. But, many of us know how not to bother others and we avoid providing others with a stressful environment. Some people, on the other hand, are never in a mood to work on themselves. Yes, these energy vampires are a different species. They are not able to sustain their life force by themselves, and fail to find the light within. Hence they always try to trap someone who is a giver, who is always caring, positive and happy to help, just like you. They approach you with random compliments and sudden friendships. For instance, they'd suddenly tell you, " I've always felt that there is something about you. I just couldn't figure. You are so different from everyone else. You just stand out of the crowd. Even if I don't see you, I'll know with the aura that you're there." And they suddenly become your fan. They almost keep talking about how good you are, publicly as well as personally. This is because they want to keep their victim close. The most important factor of such people is that they constantly try to get attention and are successful most of the times. They are hyperactive or overwhelmed, stressed, mentally exhausted, sometimes physically ill, dominating, demeaning, overreacting, egotistical, aggressive or passive-aggressive, resentful, narcissists, melodramatic, whining and complaining, love bitching and gossiping, last but not the least, highly manipulative. They fall out with almost every person they started a friendship with because people refuse to fulfill their needs. They have a very few or no permanent friends, but they have a huge circle of people who they apparently call friends, but they are temporary. They suddenly come up with an unwanted friendship and trap you in their own vicious cycle. These friendships are non-reciprocating, fly-by-night along with repeated assertions like "we're friends!!" This is the grooming phase where the seemingly confident and flamboyant energy vamp sets you up to exploit you in whichever way that best suits their intentions. Once you're in, they put the whole burden of their life on your shoulders for you to solve the things for them, because now, apparently, you're a friend! Constantly complaining about the same thing or life situation over and over again, and you, like any other humble person try to uplift them in one way or the other. But, sometimes you also feel the negativity because they don't let you go till they have sucked the life force out of you. You feel guilty of having negative thoughts about that person because that's how sweet a giver and a human being you are. So, over a period of time you distance yourself for a while to actually figure what's wrong with you, only to realize that all this while you missed out on your true friends and other things that you really liked in your life. You suddenly feel that your emotions kept revolving around just one person and the life force that kept you going happily has been taken away repeatedly. Now, you have detached yourself from the vamp and are actually advising them without getting yourself affected, which doesn't solve their purpose of draining your energy. They might even turn people against you, the people you didn't even know or had no bad terms with. They either become extremely negative, mostly without letting you know, and hold grudges against you or they give you a guilt trip to keep the sympathy flowing. They can sometimes be violent too. It's not just friendships, you might find such people in your relationships as well.

What do you need to do? Sometimes we ignore how people normally are. A calm and simple person will never bug you with weird and out of the place compliments. Do you do that yourself? No. The trust and love of a true friend shows less in their words but more in their actions. Try and identify such people who randomly speak so highly of you without even knowing you. Detach from negative people. I won't ask you to not help them, but be attentive of their intentions. Do not get too involved in solving their problems that you feel bad about yourself when it isn't solved. Because a teacher can only guide the student, it's the student who has to write the exam. Also, beware of people who love blame games. We all know that we have to take responsibility of our life situations and pull ourselves up. Energy vamps are those who will never take responsibility, and will find faults in every single person who passes by. They love commenting on people's looks, dress sense, the way they talk, gesticulate, and anything that makes them feel insecure about themselves. They love picking up on people and create chaos. Stay away from them. Once you detach yourself emotionally, you'll be able to protect your life force and this upsets them. They will eventually walk away with their own, already disturbed minds and empty souls. They won't be able to get what they want from you. If you're already in a trap, just move away slowly and detach yourself so that they know you're moving on. Talking about etheric cords, since they are connected psychically, you can sit to meditate and imagine the cord between you two. Cut the cord with an affirmation that they no longer have the power to drain your energy and affect you, that they will not be able to manipulate your energies anymore. Visualize your energy field around your body being covered and protected by the divine white light which cannot be broken by anyone.

I know, and I've seen a lot of people suffering this way. They are trapped by the notion that the other person is really a friend or loves them a lot, and since they are givers, they keep revolving in that vicious circle, with ample number of times when they wanted to break away. But, they are tied to the emotional chains that the other person has put around them. You're a great source of positive energy. Please make sure it isn't wasted on such people because sane people try and pull themselves up. They don't drag others down. Once you help them, you'll feel that your energies are uplifted after seeing another person spreading the light and making this world a better place. It's okay to think about yourself. In fact, it's your responsibility to take care of your emotions and life, first and foremost. Difficult relationships are meant to learn from. But, as soon as you learn, please free yourself from such damaging relationships and move on. Block the negativity away. Forgive those who hurt you, love yourself, help others, and keep moving on. A lot of us have seen ups and downs in life. Many have come out victors from the life situations that we were in with a determination to stretch out a helping hand to those in need, with super empowered selves, finding the light within and spreading it without. Surely, we were also offered help and support, and that's how we could stand up once again. Now, we are standing with our heads up, ear-to-ear smiles, a mind full of positivity, and a heart full of love. Our glasses are finally overflowing. How happy we are. With no fear of what's ahead and overcoming what was behind. We are now, the givers.With love.



Dr. Anushikha Dhankhar